Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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