When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
