Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
