Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
