Christians are straight up FREAKS
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize