so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
