There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
