Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize