just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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