My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
