im so drunk with asians
where?
always
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
