You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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