I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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