Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
