I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
