It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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