it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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