Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
