You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
