I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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