Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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