My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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