thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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