Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
