Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
