You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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