Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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