love makes seman taste better
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
