this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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