My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
