that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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