Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
