Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
