brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
