tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
