Betty ford says i'm here all night
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Farmville is her only friend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
