I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
