Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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