Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
