I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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