i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
