I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
