just tell him i said nine months
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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