and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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