Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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