I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
