I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Who died my cat blue again?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
