guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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