i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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