My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
