your thong is hanging out like whoa
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize