Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
