There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize
