do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
