Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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