Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
