If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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