i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
