I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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