He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
