Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize