just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
