she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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