The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
