For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is classic penis vs brain.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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