if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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