he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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