A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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