I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize