rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
