is your mom at the bar?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
