I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
