I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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