It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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