just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
