Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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