Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
