bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
