$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize