I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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