I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
