I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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