I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
