He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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