I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I could make wine with my vomit
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
