Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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