had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
