There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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