Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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