Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
