she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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