I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
