can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
