i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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