he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
