I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
