I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
