its not stalking. its research.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
