Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
