he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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