You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize