I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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