i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
