i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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