WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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