I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are we still banned from the library?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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