my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
